雅思考试：11月21日作文范文解析

2020年11月21日 雅思大作文题目：十八岁之前，必须要接受全日制教育吗？

Young people should be required to have full-time education before the age of eighteen.

To what extent do you agree or disagree with this opinion.

【写在开始写作之前】

最近三场的雅思写作大作文的话题其实都比较抽象。给人感觉是：

我国国民早已具备的素质（competitiveness）怎么还要讨论？

我国国民正在实现的目标（the environment）怎么还会疑惑？

我国国民基本以及习以为常的情况（full-time education until the age of eighteen）怎么还有顾虑？

这些“理所当然”的情况反而不好讨论吧。毕竟，当我们太先进，能够体谅他人的疾苦也是一种素质。

高分范文及解析

01、In many countries, an individual must attend full-time education until some point of his or her adolescence. The point may be sixteen years of age. Does it need to be a bit later, say, eighteen? The answer may not be globally universal.

解析

* 三言两语、直截了当的开头段落是必要的。起码雅思考官们，苦于要频繁阅读大量的英语使用不熟练者的作文，没有耐心看婆婆妈妈、磨磨蹭蹭的开头段落。

* 设问是常用的一个写作笔法，简单易学，赶紧学会。

* 还是那句话：开头段落的遣词造句真的不要过分讲究，措辞准确，表意清晰就好。

02、1) The proposal is based on the legally nominated age, worldwide, at which adulthood starts.

2) The underlying idea is that one, at the age of eighteen, is more or less ready to join the community – largely its workforce, and to participate in many activities, for example, voting – excising a constituent’s right that is most valued by the government.

3) Not a government conspiracy, education is actually designed to serve the purposes, and to fulfill its missions, education needs to guarantee that individuals are competent or qualified for their roles.

4) Eighteen years of enlightenment, training, cultivation and edification that are constant and focused, without any disturbing matters, may be the well-calculated span of time and intensity that are believed to be most likely to successfully prepare individuals for their roles in the community.

5) For this reason, it is plausible to have non-optional full-time education till the age of eighteen.

解析

* 这个段落故意被一句一句拆分开来，大家可以发现：句子的长短是不一样的。有长有短是写作的必要手法。句子长度趋同的时候，节奏单调，读者（考官）很累的。你不照顾ta们的阅读感受，ta们就对你的分数不客气。

* 主体段落总要有一个两个长难句（第二句和第四句）的设计。

03、Yet, things are not as simple as the rationale; otherwise, we would not be discussing the age as a proposition but celebrating an accomplishment. In many countries, full-time education until the age of eighteen is still an ideal that the authority is making tremendous endeavors to achieve. The difficulties are the shortage of labor, due to which the government has to make young individuals usable labor at their premature ages, and the lack of money to sponsor full-time education that is available to the public and spans almost two decades. In those countries, some leeway should be allowed, and a couple of years earlier than eighteen may be acceptable for now.

解析

* 有没有找到这一段落的长难句？

* 发现写主体部分段落的套路：在头尾的句子偏短，在中间部分的句子偏长。因为引入和闭环的句子在段落的头尾，讨论的细节和核心在段落的中间。

* 有没有发现虚拟语气的使用？真的在写作中用不到虚拟语气么？

04、Overall, eighteen years is a desirable length of full-time education, and where conditions allow this arrangement, the time and intensity should be guaranteed. Since many countries are not yet able to afford the eighteen-year long span, we should use some patience.

解析

* 结尾段落处不贪恋篇幅也不要过分动脑，于是留给结尾段落的时间可以不要慷慨：不做内容上的复杂思考，只是回顾主体部分的内容。

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